


Speechless

by JustDrinkTea



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, First Meetings, Kissing, M/M, Mute Dave, Muteness, Sign Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-31
Updated: 2012-09-07
Packaged: 2017-11-13 06:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/500630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustDrinkTea/pseuds/JustDrinkTea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It didn't matter how hard you tried; how loud you tried to scream, to cry, to beg; how much you strained on the vocal cords you were convinced didn't exist; how often you prayed to every deity your young mind could imagine; you couldn't speak. Not even so much as utter a sound.</p>
<p>And to make it worse, it was lonely. But then John Egbert works his way into your life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I forgot I wrote this! I went to go and start writing my next chapter of Pianist on the Subway and noticed I still had this to finish.
> 
> I've decided to post what I have as the first chapter, and then I'll post the rest later once I've finished writing!
> 
> So enjoy!

To say that people treat you different would probably be the biggest fucking understatement of the century. You aren't surprised by it anymore, but it sure as hell pisses you off. What really makes you want to scream is when they start talking reeeeeeeally slooooooowly like your ears don't work perfectly fine.

Or when they start making weird hand motions to accompany their snail-paced vocals, as if pretending they can speak some of your "language", when in actuality they're just making huge fools of themselves.

It all just makes you want to release the most ear-shattering noise you can manage.

But that's the problem.

You can't.

It didn't matter how hard you tried; how loud you tried to scream, to cry, to beg; how much you strained on the vocal cords you were convinced didn't exist; how often you prayed to every deity your young mind could imagine; you couldn't speak. Not even so much as utter a sound.

You hated every minute of it. Why wouldn't you? It wasn't fair. Everyone else could speak normally; hell, even the deaf kids could at least make noise. But then there was you- the weird kid, the odd one out. It was the same everywhere, even at home. Bro always did his best, of course. He would alternate between signing and speaking, and was your main source for learning new profanities. He was never very fluent at sign language, but he always used it whenever you requested it, or were feeling lonely.

Outside of your close family- including your Aunt and Cousin Rose- there weren't too many people who didn't seem to go out of their way to make you feel like you were disabled.

But when you finally reached the brink of insanity, along with the ripe age of 12, you ran into someone who finally changed that.

Literally, actually. You ran into him.

You were out picking up some milk from the little market down the block from your apartment. Neither you or your bro drank much of the stuff, but every so often one of you would pick up a gallon for milkshakes or something, but that's not a crucial element of the story. You were making your way to the back corner of the store, not paying much attention to anything but your feet, and collided with another body in aisle five.

Naturally, he turned, surprised and caught off guard. He was all smiles, despite the fact you ran into him. His hair desperately screamed for a cut and his teeth would probably benefit from a few years of braces.

You mouth the word "sorry" and try to push past him as quickly as possible. He grabs your wrist before you get very far.

"Sorry!" he apologizes as he does so. "I didn't catch that!"

You let out a frustrated sigh and faced him again. You mouth the word again, this time accompanying it with the sign, hoping that he would understand he probably would never 'catch that'.

"Ooooh!" he says, mesmerized by your hands. "You sign!"

You want to congratulate the genius, but he probably wouldn't understand it. Instead you just nod.

"So are you deaf, then? Are you just reading my lips? Should I talk slower? I should talk slower, shouldn't I?"

Your eyes roll on their own accord. You shake your head. Your hearing is just fine and has been tested on more occasions than you would like to admit. You tap your lips a couple of times, trying to indicate your problem.

He stares at you. "...mouth?"

An exasperated breath escapes you. You tap your ears and give him a thumbs up, letting him know they work. You then open your mouth- as if to make a sound- and point inside, shaking your head.

"So you're mute, then."

You cringe a bit, but nod again; you hate that word.

Most people just kind of look at you after they figure that out; they just kind of stare at you, looking for words that won't make the situation awkward. This kid, however, had no trouble finding his next topic of conversation.

"I know some sign language! I can spell out my name! See- they taught us in school!" He holds out his pinky and signs the letter "j", saying the name of the letter as he does so. Then the letter "o". He pauses after that and admits he forgot what the letter "h" looks like.

You show him, hoping he'll hurry up so you can go and get your damn milk.

"Oh yeah!" He mimics your hand and continues on with what he means to be a letter "n". He makes an "a" instead. It's actually a pretty common mistake considering they're so similar- so instead of giving him grief about it, you simply take his hand in yours and move his thumb to the correct position. He laughs and apologizes.

Once again, you nod. You sign him "goodbye"- hoping he'll understand the basic phrase- and turn to leave him for your milk. But as before, he stops you before you can go anywhere. You glare at him the best you can from beneath your shades; he's really starting to get on your nerves. Even if he's not insulting you like most do, he's still treating you differently. Taking a special interest in your disability isn't exactly flattering, especially his handling sign language as if its some kind of game.

He smiles at you apologetically. "Sorry," he says kind of quietly. "But you never told me your name."

Quickly, you sign out the four letters, hoping it'll get him off your back. But the blank look on his face tells you he didn't have enough time to watch and process tells you you went too fast for his poor brain to comprehend. So you sign it once more, this time much slower.

"Dave?"

You nod.

He grins. "It's nice to meet you, then Dave! Hey, do you think you wanna hang out or something sometime? My dad and I just moved here a few weeks ago, so I don't know too many people yet..."

You just shrug and gesture toward the milk, trying to communicate to him that you're in a hurry to leave.

For once, he grasps the meaning of what you're saying. "Oh, okay! Um... I'll see you later maybe?"

You don't give him much of a reply- you just grab what you need and hurry out of the store as quickly as you can manage.

Over the course of the next few weeks, John is forgotten. You never mentioned him to your brother, and he didn't come up much in your thoughts. He was just another person. Just someone else who couldn't understand you. Or at least that's what you thought.

It was a rainy Wednesday afternoon and you needed to get out of the house and away from Bro's weird puppet filming for the day. It hadn't started raining until you were a good mile or so from the apartment and you were without an umbrella. Your hoodie worked for a little while, but after about 15 minutes, it was soaked through. It was at that point that you decided it would be a good idea to head towards home, or at least find an arcade nearby. Really, you were prepared to go just about anywhere as long as it had a roof.

So, head down and hands in your pockets, you walked in the direction you hoped was the shortest way back to your building.

Suddenly, though, the onslaught of rain seems to stop.

You glance up and your eyes are met with the blue irises of another. Almost instantly, you recognize the holder, despite the fact you thought he had been absent from your mind for days.

"Hi, Dave!" John greets you, smile as wide as when you first bumped into him at the market.

You don't reply. Mostly because you can't do anything vocally, but also because your hands are quite comfortable in your pockets, thank you very much. You don't try to shoo him away, though; his umbrella isn't an unwanted gesture.

But he doesn't seem to mind carrying on the conversation on his own. "So," he begins, "where're you going?"

You give in and pull a hand out of your pocket, signing out the individual letters of the word "h-o-m-e", figuring that while he probably wouldn't know the sign for the word, he would at least know the letters.

"You mean 'home'?" he asks, signing out the word with his free hand.

You glance at him curiously, raising an eyebrow high above your shades.

He just laughs a little nervously. "That was right, wasn't it? I've been learning some more since I met you two weeks go! The library had a couple of books on signing and there's a lot of stuff online, so... you can sign if you want to! I probably won't be able to understand everything, but I'll try." John gives you a sheepish smile. "It'll be easier to talk to you that way, right? And you can teach me what I don't know." He's actually serious about this and it makes you a little nervous. There aren't too many people who will make this kind of effort for you and honestly, it's kind of freaking you out.

He continues on. "And um... you never really gave me an answer on hanging out? I mean if you don't want to, it's not that big of a deal, but-"

You pull out your other hand and start signing, cutting him off. "Come home with me," you sign, trying to keep your vocabulary simplistic and your hands moving slow. "We can talk there where it's not raining."

He blinks at you for a second, but then grins, nodding. "Yeah! I think I got most of that..." His eyebrows crease together, as if trying to convince himself that he actually did understand.

You laugh a bit. You can't help it and you don't even really know what's so funny. You cut yourself off quickly, though, clamping a hand over your mouth. If ever you wished you could actually make a sound, it would be a laugh. What you do right now can't really be called a laugh- it's more a breathless sound, almost like you're hyperventilating or something. The only reason people can actually discern your laugh from some sort of an attack is because of how your shoulders shake and that stupid dimple in your cheek- it's visible only when you smile.

But instead of looking at you like a freak, John just kind of laughs with you.

He doesn't know why you were laughing, you don't know why you were laughing.

It's kind of... nice. Even if he still does kind of weird you out.

John follows after you to your building and up the stairs. You do your best to keep him out of Bro's sight, but as you sneak after him into your room, you hear his deep baritone ring down the hallway. "So who's your new boyfriend?"

You kind of push John into your room and march down to the living room where Bro is. He grins at you and you flip him off.

"So who is he?" he asks, not bothering to sign the question.

Angrily, you sign back. "No one. Shut up."

"Well then whoever he is, does he like mac and cheese?"

"I fucking hope so."

"Am I making it now?"

"You bet your sorry ass you are. Dig out that tacky apron of yours and get in the kitchen."

He snorts. "Demanding today, huh?"

You go to head back to your room, but not before you sign in reply, "Shut up. I'm entertaining a guest."


	2. Chapter 2

For the next hour and a half, you give John a pop quiz on his knowledge of sign language. While his vocabulary is a lot larger than you would've thought, he still has a lot to learn. He has the basics down- pronouns, some prepositions, a couple of groups of nouns here and there, and the question words- and while it's just barely enough to get by, it's nothing if you want to have an actual, interesting conversation.

Because of his limited vocabulary, you're forced to sign in the most simplistic sentences. It's good practice for him, of course; but it's annoying as hell for someone who's already fluent in ASL.

He tries his best, though. You have to give him that. He, much like your brother, has an easier time reading your signs than actually performing them himself. He copies your movements well, but often forgets them a few minutes after you review them with him. It's frustrating and you wish more than ever that you could cuss him out or at least yell at the kid to get it through his thick head.

But since you're unable to do either effectively, you're reduced to pulling out your hair and resisting every urge to strangle him. After a while, you're forced to make him take a break. It's at about that time your bro comes in with two hot bowls of macaroni and cheese, so you at least have a good excuse. He goes on and on and on about stuff you really couldn't care less about, so you just kind of block him out and enjoy your meal, nodding occasionally so he's at least convinced you're listening.

Your "lesson" resumes shortly after. You have him go through the alphabet a couple of times. Then you have him go through it backwards. Then you sign letters for him to name verbally.

John loves every minute of it, but you're not too sure if you're enjoying yourself. You're pretty sure that you're not having any fun or anything of the sort, but you're not as relieved as you thought you would be when he has to leave at 5:00.

With John gone, your room is quiet. Outside your door, you can barely hear Bro's television show playing, but other than that, you're surrounded by silence. You thought for sure that you would welcome the stillness- and you do, for a short while. But then it starts to dawn on you just how empty it feels when it's so quiet. Has it always felt like this? You can't be sure.

The rest of your night is spent contemplating just how much you realize that, holy shit, you need to hear that voice. Sure he's awkward, and he talks way too much and, on top of that, you were about five minutes away from smothering him with your pillow; but he's trying.

For some reason unknown to you, he's trying to make a connection.

Trying to make you feel comfortable.

Trying to speak your language.

Trying to treat you like an actual human being.

You can't help but wonder just how long it will actually last. You figure it won't be very long until he's bored of you; kids of your age tend to get bored easily. Especially with things that cause you to go above and beyond what you're used to- like learning sign language. This realization hits you harder than you would've expected it to, and you're not sure why. You do know, however, that you can't stand the silence any longer. Or the emptiness. So you go and join Bro on the futon, curling up against him.

He asks what's wrong, and if you want to talk about it; and what's better- he doesn't bother you about it when you decline his offer.

To your surprise- and secret excitement- John shows up at your apartment a couple of days later. He greets you completely in sign, and even manages to get most of the motions correct. You tell him so and he absolutely beams with pride. So much so, that you swear you see him glowing and hear the angel's chorus somewhere from the great beyond.

"I've been practicing real hard since Wednesday!" he exclaims, stepping in past you. "My dad picked up some more books for me, too. But I haven't had much of a chance to look at them yet." He spins on his heel, turning so he can face you. "I don't want to pile on too much at once, anyway, right? Then I'd never remember anything. And then I wouldn't be able to know anything you're saying. You'd have to spell it all out for me. Or write it down. Hey, maybe we should..."

And suddenly you remember why he freaks you out so much.

You only listen to his ramblings for a few more seconds before clamping a hand over his mouth. You mouth the words 'shut up', and he nods in response, his eyes looking apologetic. You pull away from him slowly, testing him and waiting for him to start going off again. He just mumbles an apology and leaves it at that. And that's alright with you.

You take him back to your bedroom. As you head through the living room, you can feel Bro's gaze on your back. Usually you can almost feel his emotions- well, what little emotion he shows- but you can't really tell what he's thinking right now. And you don't like that. So you ignore his stare and make sure to shut your door when you've actually arrived to your room.

Considering you've drilled the alphabet into his head enough times earlier that week, you figure numbers are a good place to go. You've never really taught anyone quite this much, and you're not sure that you're taking the right approach. But there's a lot he has to learn, and basics is usually the place to start with, right?

John's good at counting. At least that's something. It means that you don't have to spend too much time counting with him, and you two can move on to important stuff. You start pointing to things around the room and he signs the word.

This part he's not so good at.

He messes up a lot of motions, and that frustrates you; despite your best efforts to keep calm and patient. You have to guide his hands on multiple occasions- moving his thumb, curling his fingers correctly, switching his hands when he tries to mirror your movements. He just laughs and does his best to correct himself.

The rest of the day went much like Wednesday had; practice with signing, eat some quick snacks Bro brought in, practice a little more, ponder over why you feel so empty when he leaves, sit with Bro until you fall asleep.

And then he comes back a couple of days later and the cycle continues.

And again a few days later.

Then, he starts coming over every day.

Neither of you suggested it, but neither of you had any problem with being in each other's presence most days of the week. You began to grow used of his talkative tendencies and even grew to love the sound of his voice.

You're amazed when he doesn't grow bored or tired of you. And because of this you become a little, admittedly, possessive over John. But you justify your unwillingness to share your friend; after all he's the only one who stuck around. He's the only one you really have to rely on, to always be there for you, to support you. Bro is there, of course; but John is different. John doesn't have to love you, and yet for some reason, he does.

On your 13th birthday, he doesn't utter a single word, and tries his best not to make any sounds. He signs with you the whole day and night, his vocabulary still not fully developed, but enough for a couple decent conversations. He admits at not being sure of what to get you for your big day, so he hands over a CD.

You ask what's on the blank disk and he just says that his dad helped him make it.

"It's all me, though," he says. "My dad just helped record it and put it on the disk for you."

The CD turns out holding a collection of piano music- all of it played and performed by John just for you. It makes you laugh when you first start listening to it. You then have to explain to a very offended John the joke- how could someone so clumsy with his hands make such beautiful music?

That makes him feel a little better, but he still hits you in the arm.

You listen to it every night.

Your time spent together becomes less and less about learning how to sign and more of learning how to be friends- though he still practices often. You've never had a relationship like this, so you're awkward around John sometimes, but he helps you through it- much like you have helped him with his sign language. It's just going through the motions, very precise and yet very smooth.

He makes a lot of efforts to try and make you laugh, despite the fact you hate it. He says he likes it when you laugh. Most of his efforts are cheap pranks and gimmicks that only end with his own laughter, but every so often he manages to pull a short one out of you.

John spends the night a lot, too. When he does, you two usually end up sharing your bed and usually end up curling up in each other. Most 13 year old boys don't do that. That much you know. But you're not a normal person, so you use that excuse to your advantage. John doesn't have that excuse, but he cuddles with you regardless.

This goes on for years, even when you two are well into your teenage years.

"I really like watching your hands," he admits one night when you two are tucked in, ready for bed. He turns onto his side and props himself up on his elbow so he can look at you while he talks.

You do the same, but since it's harder to sign in this position, you don't give a response.

"Like when you sign," he clarifies.

You roll your eyes and nod, having understood exactly what he meant.

"Sorry," he says with a chuckle. "But I just think it's amazing. I mean, when I sign, it's really practiced and precise, and there's no emotion behind it. But then there's you- when you get angry, your hands move really quick and your movements are really jerky and it's almost like you can feel the anger." He's looking at you still, but you can tell his mind is somewhere far else.

He continues. "And then when you're happy, they just kind of... flow. Almost like an orchestra director might lead with his baton, you know? Does that make sense? That totally makes sense. Even when you're sad, it's like your hands portray that."

You give him a look that clearly says you're not amused.

"Oh don't give me that! I know you think you're good at hiding it; but I've known you for five years now, and I can tell when you're upset, Dave Strider. When you feel lonely or hurting..." He takes your free hand in his. "And it's really kind of beautiful, Dave."

You will never admit it to him, but at that point, you were very close to tearing up, to throwing yourself at him and burying your face in his chest. John was your rock. He had stuck with you all these years when no one else would even try.

Just some kid you ran into at the corner store.

Just some kid who offered you his umbrella.

Okay, so maybe you did tear up just a little bit.

"Hey, Dave?" he says suddenly, quietly. "How do you say kiss?"

You take your hand from his, sliding it away from him gently. You perform the sign, touching the corner of your mouth once, and then your cheek. And then you follow up with asking him, "Why?"

As if you didn't already know.

He leans close to you and presses his lips against yours gently, but only for a moment. When he pulls back, he's wearing the most sheepish grin you've ever seen on his face. "I think I like it better that way," he says. "It's the same in every language."

You can't help but smile, blinking away what you fear to be tears. You wipe at your eyes and then lean back towards him, capturing his lips with your own. He's yours.

Your friend.

Your John.

And for the first time, you thanked the gods for blessing you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after. The end.
> 
> Wow this got a LOT of attention! I'm so glad I managed to write something you all enjoyed. Thank you so much for all of your kind words and for reading! This fic was a lot of fun, even though it was only two chapters. I think I might write more mute!Dave in the future; it was really entertaining.
> 
> Thanks again, guys!


End file.
